Less ‘Say It!’ More ‘Play It!’: From Pressure to Patience

If you’ve ever found yourself cheerfully chanting “Say dog! Say dog! SAY DOG!” while pointing at a picture book like your child is in a high-stakes spelling bee… you’re not alone.

Trust me, I get it.

As a speech therapist, those moments where you hear a child say a new word are ADDICTING! It feels so encouraging to hear their language grow, and nothing beats those celebratory moments.

But how we get there is really important and could be the difference between facilitating more of those exciting moments, or shutting them down altogether.

Let’s talk about!

As adults, asking kids questions and telling them what to say feels natural. It's what we do to teach, to prompt, to show off what they know, and, let’s be honest, to get those adorable little voices going. But when it comes to actually supporting language development, all that pressure might be doing the opposite of what we intend.

Let’s talk about why we tend to over-question, how it might be slowing down communication, and what you can do instead to create rich, meaningful language-learning moments with your child (without anyone needing to pass a pop quiz).

So, Why Are We Always Asking Kids Questions?

Here’s a quick experiment:
👉 Record yourself playing with your child for 10 minutes.
👉 Count how many questions you ask.

Spoiler: It’s probably a lot.

We do this because:

• We want to test what they know

• We want them to talk more

• We want to show off their language to friends and family (no judgment!)

• Honestly… sometimes we’re just not sure what else to say

Questions like:

• “What color is that?”

• “What animal is it?”

• “Tell Daddy what we did today!”

• “Where are we going tomorrow?”

They sound so innocent…and they are. But when we rely on questions too heavily, especially with kids who are still developing language (or are delayed), we can unintentionally add pressure and limit real communication.

The Problem With Too Many Questions

Here’s why asking all those questions isn’t as helpful as we think:

• It puts kids on the spot. Instead of inviting communication, it can feel like a test.

• It’s less engaging. Constant questions can feel like a performance, not a conversation.

• It’s not a great model. Questions don’t teach language the way descriptive, declarative language does.

• It assumes the child can answer. Some kids may understand but can’t form a response yet, especially if there are speech motor planning challenges. This leads to frustration…for everyone.

Too many questions can actually result in:

• Less communication

• Lower-quality language models

• Reduced engagement

• Increased pressure and anxiety

And here’s a big one: It can cause kids to shut down.

Okay, So What Should I Do Instead?

I’m glad you asked (see, some questions are okay 😉).
Here are a few pressure-free, connection-rich alternatives:

✅ 1. Use Declarative Language

Think comments, not questions. Say things like:

• “That’s a big truck!”

• “Wow, look at that splash!”

• “You love the swing. Higher, higher!”

Exclamations, observations, silly sound effects, anything that shares something with your child rather than tests them.

Why it works: It models vocabulary, sentence structure, emotion, and engagement, all without putting pressure on your child to respond.

✅ 2. Model, Model, Model

You are your child’s best language teacher. But instead of demanding they repeat after you, just narrate what’s happening.

Examples:

• “You found a giraffe! Wow, it’s sooo tall!”

• “It’s Nana! Hi, Nana! You came to visit us.”

• “I see a car. It’s blue. The car goes fast. Go, car, go!”

Why it works: Children learn language by hearing it over and over again in meaningful contexts. The more natural models they hear, the more tools they have to use when they’re ready to speak.

✅ 3. Provide Wait Time

Here’s the secret sauce: Silence.

After you say something, pause. Really pause. Like, count to 7 (yes, SEVEN).

Example:

• Grown-up: “Ball! You have a ball.”
  [Pause for 7 seconds]
  Child: “Ba”
  Grown-up: “Yes, ball! You said ball. You have a ball!”

Why it works: That pause gives your child time to process what you said and a chance to respond, if they want to, if they’re ready, and if they can. No pressure. Just opportunity.

The Power of Patience: Why Wait Time Matters

It might sound simple, but giving your child 7 to 10 seconds of silence after you say a word or phrase is pure gold because it creates space for your child to process what you said, work on their response, and try to say something back, without feeling rushed or pressured. This pause shows patience and respect for their pace, which can boost confidence and reduce frustration. It’s like giving your brain a moment to catch up, because sometimes our little ones need a little extra time to find the words. So next time you model a word like “ball” or “truck,” don’t jump in to fill the silence. Take a breath, count slowly to seven, and watch how your child might surprise you with their own little attempt to talk back.

🛑 Wait... What About Telling Them to "Say" Something?

Another common habit? Prompting with “say.”

• “Say ball!”

• “Say thank you!”

• “Say doggie!”

Totally understandable. But here’s why we want to move away from it:

• It puts pressure on your child to perform

• It can lead to scripted language (some kids start their sentences with “Say...”)

  • In particular, a gestalt language processor might starting labeling their crackers as “say crackers!”)

• It may discourage self-initiated communication (they may begin relying on your prompt)

• It doesn’t give them time or space to imitate naturally

• It assumes they can say the word, which may not be true yet

So What Can I Do Instead of Saying “Say…”?

Use this simple three-step routine:

1) Model the word or phrase WITHOUT “say”
2) Pause (count to 7)
3) Acknowledge any attempt, or move on if there isn’t one

Example swaps:

• Instead of “Say bubbles!” → try “Bubbles! You want bubbles. Pop, pop, pop!”

• Instead of “Say milk! Say milk for Mommy!” → try “Milk? You want milk. Here’s your milk.”

• Instead of “Say train! What is it? Say train!” → try “I see a train! Choo choo! Train.”

The goal is to immerse your child in a language-rich environment without expectation. Kids are more likely to imitate and communicate when they feel connected, supported, and pressure-free.

Final Thoughts: Connection First, Communication Follows

Asking questions is a skill your child will need, but early language development should be built on a foundation of shared joy, connection, and modeling.

So try following the 3:1 rule:
For every one question you ask, aim for three comments.

This small shift can make a huge difference in how your child experiences language and how confident they feel in using it.

So next time you’re tempted to say “Say dog!” , take a deep breath, pause, and try:
“Wow, look at the dog. Big dog! Woof, woof!”

And then wait.

You might be surprised by what comes next.